Writing a post might be a challenge too far today!!! My brain cells are well and truly fried!!! It's been what I can only describe as a "mixed up" day!!! We have reached the upper end of the chaos continuum, found our way back down again towards the middle and even had some unexpected moments of calm.
My parenting has ranged from the fishwife to the slightly more reasonable to a little closer to therapeutic. I have oscillated between feeling extremely irritable to something I think is akin to calm. There have been moments when tears have streamed down my face but also the odd break in the dark clouds when I have found myself laughing out loud. I have felt so overwhelmed I have wanted to get in my car and drive ... anywhere ... just to escape and then as I have reached - metaphorically - for my car keys, there have been whispers of hope!!! These whispers were hardly audible but they were there.
My children have struggled to regulate their emotions with their behaviour becoming more and more impossible. I have been hit, kicked but then kissed and cuddled. My children have giggled uncontrollably with enjoyment and have surprised me with their ability to manage usually difficult situations. There have been times when they have wanted to cling on to me and hide away, but others when they have run free and literally jumped for joy.
We are all exhausted!!! The boys are sleeping - for once, the littlest hasn't woken - and I am about to join them!!!
I cannot truly explain what I want to say to sum up - the words seem to elude me - but in some strange way, my mixed up day feels that it has stirred hope!!!